Three Steps Behind
by Butterfliesandmudpies
Summary: My Thoughts on the Finale, Brennan's POV. One Shot.


**AN: So this is me, trying to make some sense out of that finale. I know, I know, everyone's doin' it! lol :) I'm leaving it open for now, because I might want to add to it later on, I'm sure yet. **

**Don't own them :)**

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><p><em>It wasn't supposed to happen this way. <em>

It's the only thing she could think when she left Booth's apartment that morning. Of all the ways she had imagined them finally coming together; bursting into his room in the middle of a fit of self loathing and grief was not one of them.

She told Angela it was because of Vincent. If she was honest, it had more to do with Hannah then Vincent. Vincent was the catalyst, Hannah was the reason. Having to watch Booth in love with someone else had been worse than any kind of torture she could have imagined. She hadn't realized just how attached she had become to having him in her life until he was gone.

Until it was too late.

For a month they ignored it, the proverbial elephant in the room. She had been hurting and in need of comfort. He had been there. They were long attracted to each other, they both knew that.

He was over her, she reminded herself.

It was just sex.

Except it wasn't anymore, not to her. Somewhere along the line her feelings had changed, and now she was left with the uncomfortable knowledge that this must have been how he felt when she told him no. When he said he had to move on.

Not that he told her no; or yes. Because, elephant in the room, remember? They weren't talking about it, and she wasn't thinking about it. In fact, it was frightening just how little and how much she remembered of that night.

Brennan glared at her computer screen angrily. She was not making any sense. Her thoughts were so messed up right now she couldn't breathe, and add to it the fact that there was a second elephant in the room, one that she was not yet fully ready to acknowledge was there.

She was late.

~B~

She bought the test, because it was only logical to take it. After all, her knowing wasn't going to change the outcome one way or another. And there was no sense in putting off knowing what couldn't be changed.

Two years ago she was more than ready to do this. She's not sure what changed. Maybe it was that two years ago, she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he would be there for her. Even if she was sure she could have done it on her own. Brennan knew that should she fall, he would be behind her one hundred percent, ready to catch any mistakes she made.

This time, she isn't so sure.

The last two years have been battle heavy, and neither of them has escaped unscathed.

~B~

"_Bones! We got a case! Bowling alley, let's go, chop chop!" " _

She had only known a few hours, but already she felt like a completely different person. If Booth noticed she was acting strange he didn't say. Maybe he thought it had to do with the elephant that they were studiously ignoring. Even her dad noticed something was different.

"_Did you follow that?"_

"_Dead first, then ground up." _

She's glad she doesn't have to rephrase.

Cocky is back. She wonders why he stopped wearing it, and why, today of all days he has decided to put it back on.

~B~

If it were possible she'd say her heart stopped for just a minute when she told him.

"_I'm… I'm pregnant. You're the father." _

She's not sure why she specified the end. Perhaps it was his face, absolutely frozen, that prompted her to elaborate. It's not like she has been sleeping with anyone else. Not that he knew that.

Booth grinning at her was not one of the many ways she had imagined him responding to her news.

"You're not mad?" She is sure the anger is simply delayed. After all, he now will have two children, to two different women, neither of them his wife. Never has it been so plainly obvious to her that she is not good for him. Not what he needs.

"Mad? No! Bones, I, why would I be mad?" it was his kind eyes that did her in. The day had been too long, and the emotions that were pelting her now she was ill equipped to handle.

"I, I, just…" She turned away from him slightly as she felt the first tears making a track down her cheek. When did she get so damn emotional?

He drew her into his arms cautiously, "Hey, it's ok. It'll be ok." He murmured, making soothing circles on her shoulder blades. "We need to talk." He whispered, as though speaking too loudly might send her running for cover. "But first, we both need to get some rest. "

~B~

The images hit her the moment she walked through the door. Brennan had avoided his apartment after that night. Being there made it too real, as though she could distance herself from reality if she focused hard enough on the here and the now. But that wouldn't work anymore. Her past had caught up with her present, and was currently flashing the scene she had been desperately trying to put out of her mind.

"_Sssh, It's alright Bones, I've got you." His arms had tightened around her so much it was hard to breathe. Or was her lack of breath from crying so hard? She could feel his muscles rippling under his tear soaked shirt as he continued to murmur into her hair. _

"_They're right. I'm cold Booth! There was so much I never…. He was so… It's not FAIR!" Never had she been so completely out of control. She knew she wasn't making sense. Her words weren't logical. _

_Emotions weren't logical. If nothing else she had learned that this year. _

_If Booth was shocked by her outburst he didn't show it. He just continued to rub her back, murmuring softly into her hair. Slowly her breathing came back under control as she focused on his heartbeat and the words he was whispering into her hair. _

"_It's alright baby, it's alright." _

_Arousal spiked through Brennan so hot she almost gasped. She had no idea how she went from out of control screaming, to totally and utterly turned on, but she did. Slowly she tried to pull back, worried he would somehow know what she was thinking, or worse, feel the tips of her now hard nipples poking him through his shirt. This had been a bad idea. She should have known better then to think she could come to him for comfort without stirring up all the other feelings she had for him. _

_He slept with Hannah in this bed. _

_The thought didn't disgust her like she hoped it would. Instead, it made her want to mark him, claim him somehow as her own. Just for one night, she wanted to know what it was like to have him. To pretend he was hers. _

_While she was crying he had pulled her down with him on the covers, and she could feel his thigh situated firmly between her legs. She struggled once more to get free from his arms, but for once he wasn't letting her go easy. _

"_Bones, hey, easy there, what's wrong?" Brennan met his eyes, nearly shaking as she tried to reign her thoughts back in. It was a mistake. His eyes were dark pools, and she shuddered just a bit as his tongue came out to wet his lips. When had they gotten so close? She could literally feel his breath on her face. _

"_Booth…" _

_Brennan honestly wasn't sure if she kissed him, or he kissed her. Maybe they moved at the exact same time. All she knew was his lips were on hers, and it felt like she was able to breathe, for the first time in over a year. _

"Bones?"

She jumped. Booth was regarding her with watchful eyes, as she wondered just how long she had stood, lost in thought, only steps inside his front door.

"I'll take the couch," she whispered.

For a moment, it looked like he was going to argue with her. But instead, he just nodded briskly and went about finding her some sheets. It was silly, she knew, to act like there was nothing between them, like they hadn't obliterated that admittedly thin line that they clung to for years. She didn't know what else to do though. Control was hanging on by a thread, and the reality of the situation they had found themselves in was slowly dawning on her, as though it wasn't truly real until she told Booth.

They were going to have a baby.

She was going to be a mother.

She and Booth were tied together now, for life. Or at least the life of their child.

She would be lying if she said that thought didn't make her just a little bit happy. No matter who Booth married, or who he ended up with, he would be in her life, in some capacity, if no other reason than for their baby.

"I'll let you get some rest." Booth's eyes followed her as she swiftly made up the couch.

"I'll be fine." Brennan wasn't sure why she sought to reassure him, but something in his eyes reminded her of young boy, desperate to please, but haltingly afraid to do, or say the wrong thing. She wonders when things between them became so broken.


End file.
